Slapped with a wet fish – really

I’ve been having a mopey few days. You know, drifting into self-absorbed disappointment about life, for no good reason. So I was unreasonably amused by a story on the BBC this morning; some random Irish teenager walked into a shop and slapped a shop worker with a big wet fish. A bream, in fact. I’m sure it’s an offence of some sort, but I collapsed in helpless laughter.

Why a bream, anyway? Maybe it was the most fishy fish, but salmon are much prettier. Slapping someone with a salmon would probably hurt more than a bream though, the body is thicker and the flesh more solid. Or a monkfish, but it might scratch the person’s face if you grabbed it by the tail and slapped the person with the head, which would be less funny. Or you could pick up some squid and splodge it on someone’s head. That would be quite funny. I’m easily amused.