Somehow there is nothing more to say, now that family life has entirely claimed my mind. I was keen on writing my travel blog for a while, because at least the theme provides a ready-made stream of topics, and occasions, about which to write. But being a “full time mother” seems in my head to invalidate what I think of everything, and I’m not interested in the quotidian details of childcare myself, so I doubt anyone would be interested in my opinions of them – although of course I spend the majority of my time thinking and agonising about whether I am doing the right thing as a mother. I bought “Why Love Matters” by Sue Gerhardt, which is a book on child development from the psychoanalytical/neurological point of view. It made me cry all the time, and made me feel that I am doomed to bring up flawed human beings, because I too was one of those flawed human beings; after all, how likely is it that my parents did everything right? I went back to work when my first child was 7 months old, so clearly when he’s sitting under the Grand Union Canal with a needle in his arm, it’ll be my fault for neglecting his emotional needs by earning money for such frivolous things as paying debts (or rather, paying my taxes since I spent all my tax savings on our wedding). His nanny took him to Mcdonalds and bought him happy meals, so if he grows up to be obese, that will indirectly also be my fault.
Anyway. We’ve just come back from a week in Spain, and I have some vague plan to learn a bit of Spanish. I could buy some CDs and listen to them in the car, in a vain attempt to drown out the hideous crying of my youngest baby, who for some reason absolutely hates the car. I also want to take up crochet again, and learn more complicated stitches, but I’m not very good at understanding the instructions you get in crochet magazines, so I probably won’t quite make the effort. I’ll take my older boy to a gymnastics class starting next week. It’s now only two years until I start playing the violin again – I have always maintained that in my 40s, I should start some hobbies that I can maintain for many more decades, without becoming frustrated at my declining physical abilities. Right now, both my children are having an afternoon sleep at the same time, so I should probably express milk, get my weights out and do some squats, or possibly having a shower would be a good idea.
Next time, let’s discuss what I think of Jeremy Corbyn. I shouldn’t take long.
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