European mushrooms

The EU referendum is rather like picking mushrooms in the forest. It’ll probably be fine, but since the downside is death, it is in most people’s opinion too big a risk to take, and they leave the mushroom picking to Sainsbury’s.

It seems that on this occasion, people decided they didn’t believe their Sainsbury’s government any more, and decided they could work out the difference between a delicious stir fry and kidney dialysis by themselves. Only now that they’ve eaten all the mushrooms, things are starting to look a little more complicated. For a start, didn’t they want to get rid of people who imported foreign food like stir frys? Yes, but not if they’ve been here for so long, they’re British really. Only some people who are British, well, they might have the passport, but can’t we get rid of them too? They do foreign stuff we don’t like. Then there are people who are actually foreign, but they built my kitchen extension for such a great price and got it finished on time, so we certainly don’t want them to leave. And anyway, they drink vodka and go to church, and umm, well, they look the same as the majority, so we don’t really notice. Not that we’re racist. Those refugees though; bound to be some bad eggs there. Not that we don’t feel sorry for them, but can’t someone else fix it? Merkel seems happy to take them all, why should we? They probably don’t speak English. And what’s wrong with Turkey anyway, haven’t they all got some place to stay in Turkey? Much better weather, they’d be more used to it. Plus it’s Muslim, so everyone’s a winner. Oh, they live in refugee camps there, do they? Well why don’t they go back home then? Yes, to Syria, hasn’t it got some nice ancient ruins where they can work as tour guides? Oh, right. Umm, OK, let’s not think about unpleasant things any more, my flower bed needs weeding, and there’s Stranger Things on Netflix. Aaah, 80s nostalgia, things were good then, right?

We have made a decision purely in our own interests, and in the medium term, I suspect we will come out of it quite well. Europe may not, as it removes any braking influence the UK may have had on the unelected powers of the European Commission and the absolutely odious Jean Claude Junker. So, ceps or death caps, they do look very similar. Perhaps we have eaten a bit of both.